Look at that title! Who needs marketing when you have a name like Kung Fu Cannibals! I found this film by chance, my friend was trying to find something to watch and emerged with this classic on a blank DVD (We had reservations after recently watching Ringu but braved the possibility of death via media). Hastily scribbled on the label was the name and nothing else, we salivated that the prospect of the spectacular idea of martial arts man eaters (I beg someone to use that title for a movie). I sat and as the film blared into life I gave my time willingly (The beer helped me lavishly lay down my precious minutes). Let’s get into this tale of high kicking cannibal chaos.
Glossy leaflets welcome people to Warrior Island which means they must have some sort of marketing department.
Cameron Mitchell appears to love boats and topless martial artists.
So we open up on 3 women being flown to an island by 3 lecherous young men and 1 Hitler impersonator, upon arriving at the island the women are offered to some monks who trade them for a large quantity of jade. One of the women is not to the monks liking and she is rejected (This appears to upset her greatly) which causes her to panic, run off into some bushes and subsequently get killed by a blue zombie samurai. Cut to Capt. Harry Dodds (Cameron Mitchell) bitching about the cruise ship owner Hazel Buck (Hope Holiday) to the resident cook and martial arts expert Go Chin (Rey Malonzo). Soon enough it is all hands on deck as they set sail for Warrior Island but not before doing some shopping in town (Which seems to consist of bar’s, brothels and the Jade goods equivalent of Walmart). After encountering the lecherous bastards and one man Adolf fan club they find themselves being chased on the high seas as the boat comes ever closer to reaching Warriors Island. Will they meet the mad manic monks masticating maidens? Is the price of murder really just some green rocks? Who is doing the marketing for Warriors Island because the leaflets are excellent.
This man is simply called Religious Freak in the credits and is fucking insane.
This guys name is now Bowie and arrow.
This movie is amazing so there is no bad this review! Between the poor acting, broken dialogue and terrible ADR there are moments of true brilliance but the parts that are bad still manage to entertain. This film has entered my collection of so bad it’s good right next to the insane Miami Connection (Both films back to back would be a great double bill) and seeing this brought a sense of people really enjoyed making something with every intention of creating greatness.
Here is Shitler and his henchmen.
More good! So the actors all seem to be in this film to make something great, this is evidence by several scenes that contain a gleeful energy as people jump into shot with a smile ready to take down bad guys. Cameron Mitchell plays it straight but every so often you get the sense that even he is having a laugh. One of my favourite lines comes from one of the final scenes in which Mr Mitchell screams “I saw Clint Eastwood do this once!” to which he turns and corner and just fires at the enemy making the line completely irrelevant. One women explains that she is on the run from the Mafia for around 20 minutes before entirely disappearing from the film never to return again (I think we are to assume she perishes on the boat but this is never confirmed).
Bandit plus axe equals murder.
This isn’t a problem but the romantic sub-plots are entirely pointless as everyone seems hell-bent on getting naked regardless the occasion but I think that the massive amounts of nudity may have stemmed from an attempt at pleasing several audiences at once.
If you are looking for a film that contains Horror, Action, Adventure, Drama and masses of bewbs you cannot do much better than this underrated classic. I highly recommend it and give the film a brilliant Tom Atkins, you will never feel like you have wasted your time viewing this little known masterpiece.
These monks love their job.