Critapocalypse Episode 8! Great Cock Fire of Balls!

We have banded together once again to discuss the finer things in life, not wine, cheese and stale crackers but video games, films, music and occasionally, life.



You know the drill at this point and if you don’t you will get the jist pretty quickly. We review stuff while we chat the night away, we then record these mad ramblings and edit them into a format for your earholes.


Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you, Fuck you and Fuck you. You fucking son of a bitch.

This week we talk about (Time codes for youtube only):

Total Overdose: 00:01:20
Infamous First light: 00:09:42
Chinese Zodiac: 00:14:47
The Hobbit: Battle of the Five Armies: 00:22:14
Middle-Earth: Shadow of Mordor and lamentations for original gaming: 00:31:32
Grown Ups 2: 00:46:44
13 Assassins: 01:02:11
Worms Battlegrounds: 01:08:50

So get your steaming pile of sex voices right here:

Critapocalypse Episode 8 Youtube

Critapocalypse Episode 8 Soundcloud


The Lego Movie


Even more impressive is the fact that this is made from real Lego.

So the duo behind the better-than-it-should-have-been 21 Jump Street have gotten their hands on Lego and made a movie that in anyone else’s hands would be a shameless cash in made to sell toys. What the 2 have done with the material is produced a smart, fun and incredible looking adventure which is easy viewing for everyone. I expected very little but came away with great respect for Chris Lord and Christopher Miller writer directors of the fantastic Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs (Again a surprisingly enjoyable film containing jokes for all ages) another animated film with similar themes but less recognition than something internationally known like Lego.


For the 2nd time in a week BEWBS! Actually again these are Chris Pratts bewbs.

Our story revolves around Emmet (Chris Pratt), the perennial everyman who wishes to just fit in with the crowd. Most of Emmets life is based on instructions but he soon finds himself a victim of circumstance as he becomes stuck to a piece of the resistance. Now with the fate of everyone in the balance Emmet needs to become different from the crowd, show everyone that anyone can be a hero and stop Lord Business (Will Ferrell). Emmet is not alone in his task, he has a team of master builders comprising of Benny (Charlie Day), Wyldstyle (Elizabeth Banks), Vitruvius (Morgan Freeman), Batman (Will Arnett), Captain Metalbeard (Nick Offerman) and Unikitty (Alison Brie) which is probably the most bat shit insane casting ever but more on that later.


I cannot help but smile at the imagination used to create this team.

The first thing that I noticed when watching this film is the art direction (Odd for that to be defining feature in a lot of films made for children) which creates the world literally brick by brick using existing Lego kits and pieces. The actual movement is also done in a way that emulates stop motion which adds to the charm and rather than seeming like a troupe it adds to the idea that we are watching actual Lego pieces running about. Every scene has meaning adding to the plot and furthering the adventure and our understanding of this insane world, it really is refreshing to watch something that is so damn unashamedly fun.


There is also a Middle Zealand and Cloud Cuckoo Land. Both are amazing but I am a sucker for a western.

The audio is comprised of several musical arrangements based on the song ‘Everything Is Awesome’ (Each version dependent on the different world they are visiting) along with a more traditional score when the film requires it. The cast are all having a blast with Chris Pratt playing sweet, Elizabeth Banks playing tough but vulnerable and Morgan Freeman playing the mentor. The rest seem to jump into each character with reckless abandon Nick Offerman spending the whole film putting on a pirate accent and Will Arnett lending Batman his gravelly voice that is part Keaton part Bale.


Benny complete with the broken helmet every child suffered with.

Everything really is awesome and comes together in a great finale, finishing with a fantastic message for kids. It really is rare to find a kids film with such a great story but also maintains a sense of fun energy. There is nothing negative to say about anything that happens within in the 100 minute runtime, maybe the addition of 3D is unnecessary but it is all part of releasing a film nowadays. 

I really cannot fault this movie and the in jokes regarding different properties really work. A lot of these films contain cheesy pop culture references that feel forced but here they work to flesh out a couple of background characters including Superman (Channing Tatum) and Green Lantern (Jonah Hill) who share some fantastic moments. Less functional is a live action scene that causes everything that happens before feel inconsequential, but that is a small issue and something that does not affect the 1st and 2nd act.


Intricate, beautiful and bright.

This film is great and now is the time to grab it on Blu Ray and enjoy a slice of child like whimsy, 4 Lego Kinex out 5.